Responding to Reena’s Xplorations challenge #442, Light — What truths emerge when the weight of light is too heavy to bear?
I was taught from ages 4- 11 by the Sisters of St. Joseph. At the age of 11 I was asked if I had a vocation for the priesthood, I was a book worm.My answer was I don’t know. I was bundled off to a Salesian College for four weeks, where I discerned I definitely didn’t have a vocation for the priesthood. Someone stole my candy/sweets from my locker. It was my first discovery that wanna be priests weren’t necessary holy in their intentions. I was disappointed with Vatican 2 doing away with the Latin mass, being a traditionalist at 18. I loved the Latin mass, and also my Latin classes at school. The U.N. has been trying to push a universal language called Esperanto since the 1920’s and to have it taught in schools. I thought Latin could have become the universal language of the Church and to ban it was a huge mistake.
Fast forward and I became a scout master in my local Catholic Church when I emigrated to Canada. I sat on a number of committees at various churches over the years including the parish council. I joined the Third Order Carmelites ( Lay Carmelites), and ten years later everything changed.
I left the Catholic Church in 2005 at the height of the sex abuse scandal. The Boston Globe had published a series of articles in 2002 revealing that the Archdiocese of Boston had repeatedly reassigned abusive priests while keeping allegations secret. One priest was accused of abusing 130 children over decades at different parishes. Investigations into child abuse by priests in the Catholic Church spread from Boston to the rest of the U.S. and eventually worldwide.
I understand that predators are attracted to where their prey exists, because that is the nature of the predator. But I cannot understand the cover up. The shepherd protects its flock, that is the shepherds job, it does not offer the sheep to the wolves. So I lost my faith in the institutional church. Darkness had crept into the Catholic Church through predatory priests and instead of willingly shedding light on child abuse the hierarchy sought to cover it up to preserve the reputation of the institution over the safety of its most vulnerable flock.
So here I am 21 years later calling myself a Cultural Catholic. I have a statue of Mary in my living room, I have crucifixes in every room in the house, but I have absolutely no use for the institutional church. Catholicism has shaped me and so I am grateful but confused about its future.
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